What’s the Original SIN?
DON’T THINK about this too much.
Please DO NOT COMMIT to reading this article, if you don’t have or cannot commit the time. This article like a good book, may take some detours and many hours to read. Wherefore if you are not prepared to read slowly, and study with committed and critical deliberation, please leave it to another day and time to start. Don’t think about grasping everything immediately, as you will have time to go back and read, watch and listen again and again.
There’s a Punch Line of sorts towards the article end, but by jumping to the end, it won’t make much sense, as you won’t have a context by which to frame the punch line or the end.
Our Riddle is this:
What’s the Original SIN?
=== PART ONE ===
PLEASE TAKE NOTE: Just before you commence reading this first part of the article, click play on the video below. As you read, it may add atmosphere and perhaps resonate with you … your own suffering and bliss combined:
My Father and his Father before him were Alcoholics.
We originally penned this article, ruminating upon some of the worries and concerns People have expressed to us over the past few weeks. Many People have gotten caught up in all sorts of theories be they conspiratorial or otherwise, and perhaps are overthinking all this flu stuff, to the point of creating needless concern or fear for themselves, over something which is not within their locus or ability to control.
This type of though process reminds me that my Father and Grandfather were alcoholics. They both used to start their respective days, by getting out of bed very early in the morning, despite their drinking. This happens to be one my own traits, generally rising with the dawn, and on an odd occasion having a lie in until 8am … without drink being involved of course!
Growing up and surviving in a home where so many alcoholics abounded was something of a challenge, which perhaps many of you reading this can empathise with? This article is not an attempt to illicit empathy or sympathy, but perhaps, just recognition of what it takes to survive life in general. After all: If you’re alive and reading this, you too are a survivor, well thus far …
For my Father and Grandfather, getting out of bed very early in the morning, was due to their overarching concern about survival, which seemed always to centre around how and where they were getting their next penny to spend in the pub. They were both fixated on SURVIVAL to indulge their addictions, and everything else in their lives took second or third place, including their own and their families well being.
Their endless striving for survival meant that both Men were always working, and consequently perceived by their community as good providers. My suspicion is that both Men, had suffered an overwhelming degree or level of Trauma in their lives, and alcohol was their attempt to suppress their respective hurt, anger, depression, rage and suffering.
The trouble (of course) being, although alcohol is legally accepted and is portrayed as an acceptable social lubricant, it is not an effective remedy or medicine for suffering and all that goes with it, but they didn’t know any better. As far as they were concerned, the induced stupor of alcohol allowed them to somehow cope and carry on with life, and to survive per se. This drinking had a destructive impact upon their respective families, and that suppressed hurt, anger, depression and rage was (often) vented upon the People they should have been protecting and caring for most.
Whatever Trauma my Grandfather had been exposed to, he visited that same Trauma upon his wife (my Grandmother), upon his own children and my Father. This Trauma may be one that goes back many generations … in other words it is A TRAUMA that was at the root of their proclivity to use alcohol to self-destruct … the alcohol being the symptom and not the cause.
Neither men ever attempted to openly address or face their own sufferings, and as a young adult myself, when on the odd occasion my Father spoke to me of the past, he would recoil from all questions associated with his reasons for drinking. It was always immediately obvious that his thoughts would shut him down, and disavow him from engaging. You could see the panic in his face, whenever the subject got too close to the bone for him. He would say nothing, go silent, or walk away to shut down the conversation. His thoughts, and his mind would not allow him to go there or get into it. It was always too overwhelming for him, to consciously confront or get to the core of anything associated with why he drank, and behaved the way he did.
Upon mature reflection, in my view, his thoughts and his conscious mind were protecting or shielding him from going too deep into these matters. Perhaps his egoic mind did not want to face, relive or revisit his Traumas, because they were so disturbing, so his thoughts would shut down or freeze whenever his ego felt the threat of exposure. This is understandable, and of course is now recognised clinically as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Sufficed to say, both my Grandfather and Father spent all but their entire lives suppressing their thoughts of or about their sufferings and traumas with alcohol. If it had not have been alcohol, it probably would or could have been recreational or prescription drugs, or any one of a myriad other destructive addictions or disorders.
… Equally, it is not necessarily true that either man would have found respite through confronting or fighting their inner thoughts or demons, if they were ever to get to them … it is probable, that the biggest difficulty for them was the thoughts themselves. Their ego was hiding or suppressing certain memories of real events from them, in order to protect them, which kind of makes sense (now).
My Grandmother on my Fathers side used to say … “Don’t Speak Ill of the Dead” … this woman spent most of her entire adult life being suppressed by her alcoholic husband. Although she was very kind to me (as a child), her daily existence revolved around keeping her head down, and saying nothing. She was only ever seen and not heard, especially when her husband was present. No doubt she had previously done her time with him, and learned some valuable lessons in self-preservation.
For clarity and perhaps to appease the memory of my Grandmother, this article is not to Speak Ill of the Dead, because the Dead don’t care if you speak ill of them or not … at least they are being spoken of, rather than forgotten. The point here is perhaps to recognise where it all went wrong for my Grandfather and Father, and to break some potential ancestral chains of destruction and trauma, to a certain extent … and maybe you as a reader can recognise some of the same stuff, to improve your lot also?
As a consequence of this ancestral TRAUMA … life for all the People around my Grandfather and Father was difficult, and sometimes very harsh indeed, despite what the neighbors might have thought or said. Back in the day, there was no obvious sanctuary available to anyone. My own initial sanctuary came in the form of People outside my immediate family, aunts, uncles, some teachers and the like.
As a young adult, my awareness of the destructive capability of alcoholism became heightened, to the point, where alcohol was rarely (if ever) used as my first choice of social lubrication. After eventually escaping the physical shackles of being in this destructive alcohol environment by moving to work in London, it soon became apparent to me, there were far gentler and less destructive ways to become socially lubricated so to speak.
Luckily for me, some of my first new friends in London were (to be) more of a hippy styled persuasion, and all that goes with such a lifestyle, such as great music etc. … which is a story for another day.
Upon escaping my physical environment, family, home and community, it began to dawn on me, life wasn’t always an endless cycle of suffering, and not everyone’s life consisted of poverty, psychological or physical violence and abuse. In those first early days away from home (as it was), it was amusing to meet, work and socialise with People whose normality wasn’t alcohol centered, and as a consequence led to relatively calm and pleasant lives. It’s only when you are outside of an environment that you can objectively assess it for what it is or was. This was to be a new start for me so to speak, one where most of the new People around me, did not have so many self-destructive or pronounced traits and weren’t obviously carrying so much trauma.
You may or may not have heard of this fella, but he kind of makes some sense to me, and perhaps it would be a nice break from reading, to make a cup of tea (now), sit back and listen to this relatively short interview?
By Gabor Mates definition; we are all potential addicts of one sort or another. We all possess or exhibit from time to time, behaviour that has negative consequences, but yet despite these consequences we continue to relapse into it … In recognising such a thing, and considering it might have some level of truth in it, aren’t we all predisposed to some form or level of pathological thinking and by extension pathological behaviour?
We did not refer to Gabor Mate because he is a doctor, as that is not relevant to any point. We did reference him, because he coincidentally agrees with me on this particular point of addiction, and it’s always great to find someone who agrees with you, on some level. An ego thing obviously!
READ PART TWO >HERE<
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Mèahuasca (the book) expands upon the experiences of the writer/creator, and provides a breakdown of and for the preparation of travelling, voyaging and or journeying to the centre of U. It contains detailed accounts of real experience(s) and adventures. It is also a practical guide on how to prepare for travel, voyaging or journeying, and can be used as a personal journal for your own private use.
The book Mèahuasca is available >HERE<